You may dislike the flowers-chocolate-dinner routine of Valentine’s Day, but there’s no denying that this is the one time of the year your significant other won’t be kicking you out of bed. Taking them home is a surefire scenario, but that would probably lead to the same vanilla sex you have on non-special occasions. So why not take the opportunity to do it in some other bed this special day–or even without one!
1. A Sketchy Motel
Just don’t actually start V-Day festivities with a trip here because that’s just sleazy but nothing says “let’s get down to business” like pulling into a seedy joint that has porn on the TV when your turn it on. Whether it’s your wife, life partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, or special friend, the “no one knows we’re here”-factor of a motel is a potent aphrodisiac and arguably the main selling point. And since anyone who does actually see you knows what you did, make it a session worth getting caught for. The “shitty” part is important because…
2. A Cushy Hotel
Going for a “high-end” motel is a bad idea in our opinion. You want to be classy but you can’t quite shake the lingering cum smell of the room out of your mind. Solution: pony up for a real hotel room. Sure, people have sex in them all the time just the same, but you probably won’t find any stray condom wrappers on the floor. Also the secret kinky appeal of hotels: you can–and will want to–defile the bathrooms. It’s clean and 90% of the time has a larger mirror than your bathroom at home for more Patrick Bateman-shenanigans.
3. Your Old School Grounds
Rekindle the flame of student virility with a visit to your alma mater. Schools don’t make people horny per se, but remembering how sex-crazed you were as an adolescent will make you want to do it like an irresponsible youth. Depending on your school (and possibly age!), you may have free reign of the campus or be relegated to a dark corner of the parking lot. Please refrain from making jokes about studying chemistry or biology lest you kill the mood.
4. A Massage Parlor
No, we don’t mean those massage parlors. We mean the upstanding establishments that jussst happen to have couple session rooms where they leave you alone to decompress after your relaxing massage. Getting all your chakra points engaged or whatever understandably makes a person feel a bit frisky. It’s dark, there is some sort of slightly porn-appropriate wind-instrument ambient music, and they always knock before entering. You know what happens next of course.
5. The Great Outdoors
Say you couldn’t decide on which of our suggestions to follow and you’re driving around and slowly going blind from your hormonal emissions–just pull over and do the nasty in the great outdoors. This will lead to some hardcore animal fucking that probably would end sooner than you want, but it will tide you over until you finally settle on a location to engage in some proper coitus. Also, no one gets to sleep afterwards so you can both bask in the aftersex glow for a good hour or two. If this sounds like a first-choice idea, hop on the SLEX/NLEX and get exploring with the more desolate exits. Technically you could stray out of Metro Manila while doing this but who’s complaining?
Make your Valentine’s Day celebrations a more unforgettable one for you and your partner by using hygiene products for your man parts like ToppCock Silver, an anti-microbial odor neutralizing leave-on gel containing real silver nanoparticles, tea tree oil and aloe vera, all known for their anti-bacterial, anti-fungal and anti-viral properties, which effectively neutralizes odor and amplifies your manliness while leaving no sticky residue. Apply it after you take a shower to get rid of odor-causing microorganisms that soap won’t be able to wash off. It prevents the growth of bacteria and help you stay fresh and clean all day long. Apply it again in the middle of the day or after a strenuous activity to re-freshen without bathing.
Happy Valentine’s Day ToppCock gentlemen!