5 Things Every Real Man Needs Now

We’ve got you covered, from feet to your balls.


1. Toppcock Silver – Man Parts Protection

Why you need this: It’s almost March, which means summer and jabar times are coming. Can you smell it? Can you feel it? If so, then she definitely is in for a nasty surprise bro. Keep things fresh down there with Toppcock’s leave-on gel with real silver nanoparticles to keep you fresh, protected, and werewolf-free this summer.


2. Couch Arm Wrap

Why you need this: Because real men like to chill and not get up for anything–even reaching over to the table for your chips or whatnot. This places everything literally within arms reach while you veg out to some series marathons. It’s made out of wood which is also a classy offset to your unkempt real man appearance at home!


3. The Foot Hammock

Why you need this: Whether you are the man with the corner office or a lowly drone, this foot hammock is something you need. Along with secret farts, secret naps–and possibly secret drinking–in the office, you can now secretly chill your feet without having to rearrange your trashcan underneath your table as a makeshift foot prop.


4. Carbon Fiber Money Clip

Why you need this: Real men don’t fuck around with bloated wallets that they need to take out of their pants every time they sit down–they use money clips. And for extra super sleekiness, grab this carbon fiber sci-fi version of the essential accessory. The only thing that will weigh you down now is that mad amount of bills you stuff into it.


5. adidas Yeezy Boost

Why you need this: If you’re one of those sneakerhead types then this shoe needs no introduction and you’re probably already waiting in line to cop it. On the other hand, if you don’t give a damn about shoes, then grabbing Kanye West’s latest and very exclusive signature model is still a total power move. Nothing is more real mannish then getting the hot item everyone wants and being all “meh” about it.

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